Accolades Part 2: Red

Part 1 here, yo.

In continuation of my real-life-clearly-isn't-exciting-or-video-gameish-enough-for-me tirade, I move away from the blues and into the reds. While the Blue Accolades provided some more mellow and tranquil accomplishments involving lightning and microwaves, the Red Accolades focus more on the extremer (holy crap, that's actually a word? Extremer?!) aspects of life, such as fiery hurtling space balls and explosions. Pretty much everything that comes to my mind when I think EXTREMER!

I was thinking of naming these Magmarizer, Camperupt, and TM35 respectively, but I didn't want a Pokemon overload.

MAGMA RISER: This is the first half of the two-part meta-achievement called DIG DEEPER, which is in the Blue set. It revolves around digging a personally satisfactorily deep hole in the ground, ideally deep enough to create a miniature volcano in my backyard, or at least flood a portion of my neighborhood with liquid-hot magma.
ASH PASSION: Be close enough to an active, smoke-spewing fire-mountain to get a nice thin layer of dusty ash or ashy dust on my person. Namely the hair. I mainly just want ash in my hair, that's all. But I don't want to be that weird dude who goes to parks and sticks his head into those nasty-ass public grills then walks away like he owns the place, because nobody wants to be that guy.
THROWER OF FLAMES: Construct, then operate, a fully functional and fully lethal flamethrower that can throw flames like nobodies business. Or construct, then instruct, a fully functional and fully lethal fire Pokemon who can use Flamethrower. I'm aiming for the former, but I'm dreaming of the latter.

The "P" in the SECONDED Accolade is the beginning of the word "PLACE". Jus' sayin'.

TARGET PRACTICE: Shoot a gun. Like some of these here Accolades, this one might sound like a pretty damned easy one to pull off (or squeeze off, if you wanna shoot correctly according to the movies), but for me this might not be the truth. But damn hell ass, do I wanna shoot a gun.
SECONDED: Earn second place in a beauty pageant. Why second place? What sort of beauty pageant? Is this a reference to the Monopoly chance card which awards a person $25 for winning second place in a beauty pageant which I think is ridiculously hilarious? My only answer: yes.
BIG IN JAPAN: Attend one of those crazy, crazy Japanese game shows. The more rubber-banded noses or funny-looking moving shapes to leap through or tiny Bruce Willis lookalikes the better. And while I write this "...Ooh, the Eastern sea's soooooo blue..." is flowing through my head, with a sound like a melody.

I was in a very dark place when I made these three. Because one of my kitchen lights burnt out while my parents were in Turkey and I was too lazy to change it.

FIRE WORKER: Construct, then operate, a fully functional and fully lethal flamethrower firework that can work fire like nobodies business. And I don't mean any of that small and boring quarter stick or half stick or full stick or twelve sticks of dynamite crap, no, I'm talking professional grade firework. Like the ones that make me feel like I'm five again because they're hella bigger than I am and they have such a bass-y BOOM that my lungs threaten to collapse each time they explode. Yea.
GRAND OPENING: Use comically large scissors to cut a comically cliche tape which is blocking the entrance to a comically uncomical building, like a hospital or a morgue or something. Basically I want to be the dude who first cuts that tape or first digs that hole or first tosses that pitch or first steps on the moon or stuff.
METEORAIGHT!: Observe a real life, living and breathing, flaming and soaring, break-aparting and semi-vaporizing meteorite. Then go out there and retrieve said meteorite. Yes, this one is gonna be a doozy, but judging by that one death clock (DETHKLOK DETHKLOK!) website I still have a few decades before I go up to that spirit in the sky (which I'm guessing is whiskey, as it seems like a pretty godly liquor), which I can spend combing the night sky with my eyeballs.

That chain took so long to make, I tell you what.

WRECKING BALL: This is the Red Accolade's meta-achievement, and by Gob is it meta! For this one, I'm going to need to survive both a ship wreck AND a plane wreck. In the same week! Okay, just joshing about the last bit, but I'm deadly serious about the first two bits. Deadly serious.
???: ??? (Yup, one of these oh-so-sweet cop outs is gonna be present in all three sets. And if you have a problem with them, just check out how cool that question mark looks! Stare at it long and hard [that's what she...said?] then just try and complain to me about how lame of accolades these are.)

And that, my patient blog-reading friends, is the full extent of the Red Accolade set. Next up on the list are the Green Accolades, and after that I'll probably have died after attempting to build a flamethrower or microwave a microwave or catching a falling meteorite in a thunderstorm or some crap.